


Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

by Gabrielseductivetrickster



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dirty Talk, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Friends reference, M/M, Top Derek Hale, Top Derek Hale/Bottom Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:51:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4679189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabrielseductivetrickster/pseuds/Gabrielseductivetrickster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr request: hey idk if you watch friends but theres a episode where joey teaches ross how to talk dirty. could you write something like that with stiles and derek? variations are cool doesnt have to be exactly the same. thanks ily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>Derek is terrible at dirty talk and Stiles takes it upon himself to teach him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

They were heavily making out on Derek’s worn couch when it happened. Stiles was in his lap, hands threaded in his hair and hips grinding down, when he whispered it hotly into his ear.

“Talk to me,” he groaned, hands sliding down to his chest and fingers playing with the top button.

Derek hesitated, too distracted by Stiles’ fingers currently unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Uhm, I went to the grocery store today.”

He grunted when Stiles ripped his shirt open and nibbled on his ear. He actually liked this shirt. He tried not to visibly wince when he heard the buttons clattering to the floor.

“No no no,” Stiles crooned, his warm breath brushing against his skin, causing Derek to stifle a groan. “Talk dirty to me.”

Derek swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. Talk dirty? His mind raced with phrases he heard from the porn he watched, trying to pick one that wasn’t too over the top. Stiles stopped nibbling on his ear and leaned back, staring at him expectantly when he didn’t respond. Derek panicked and blurted the first word that came to mind.

“Penis!”

There was a long moment of silence. Derek gulped and looked down in humiliation. The mood was effectively ruined and Stiles’ sudden peals of laughter didn’t help soothe Derek’s shot ego. 

“Penis?” Stiles asked, wiping a tear from his eye.

Derek felt himself flush in embarrassment. Okay, so maybe blurting out his favorite body part wasn’t the best idea. He glared at Stiles when he continued to laugh. His glare did nothing to stop his boyfriend from repeating the word. Derek shoved Stiles off his lap, Stiles landing beside him with a surprised ‘oof,’ and crossed his arms petulantly. 

“Aww, c'mon sourwolf. Don’t be upset. It happens to the best of us.”

“Shut up, Stiles,” Derek scowled, his jaw clenching when Stiles rolled his eyes. 

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Dirty talk isn’t hard. All it is is voicing what you want to do me or what you want me to do to you.”

Derek refused to look at Stiles, instead focusing on buttoning his shirt. Stiles sighed, wrapping an around him as he slid his hand onto Derek’s chest. 

“C'mon, I’ll teach you,” Stiles whispered in his ear.

“Stiles…” Derek groaned uncertainly. 

“Just tell me what you want to do me.”

“Stiles… I don’t think…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Derek, just tell me you want to lick my ass.”

Derek huffed, staring at his lap before raising his gaze to Stiles’ eager eyes.

“I… I want to touch your body,” Derek grunted, hand gripping Stiles’ thigh.

“That’s good. Great, Derek!” Stiles beamed at him. Derek definitely didn’t preen. “What else? Keep going!”

“Uh… I want to lick your soft skin with… with…”

It was at this point that the two were too engrossed in each other that they didn’t hear the door to Derek’s loft open. 

Scott, having heard what he said, stilled slowly approached the couple, stopping only a few feet away from the couch. He leaned against the kitchen counter, his elbow brushed against a wrapper and the sound alerted Stiles and Derek of his presence.

The couple turned in his direction, Stiles gasping and Derek growling.

“Oh don’t mind me,” Scott grinned, “You were saying, Derek, with–?”

“Get the hell out before I rip your throat out.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at sterekknottyficlets!


End file.
